I always found love to be a strange concept to wrap my head around. As a child, I felt deprived of it. As a teenager, I was overwhelmed (and slightly confused) by it. When I became an adult… things started to get weird.
I’m starting to consider that maybe the concept of love is just a slice of fuckery that isn’t actually meant to be understood.
But frankly, I really just wanted to use the word fuckery in tonight’s post.
“There are many books in the library. Each book has a wonderful story that will never happen in reality. But when you fall in love, reality becomes a story far more beautiful than any book can tell.”
My point still stands, but I would like to clarify. Love may not be so easy to understand, but I think a deep understanding of it and other intense emotions is vital to developing ourselves and enhancing our capacity to empathize with others.
Reading Your Emotions
Falling in love and feeling love for somebody are inherently different levels of emotion. And one word in that phrase is drawing my attention.
My current theory is that most emotions are only separate increments on a scale. A deeply complex scale that includes feelings of hatred, lust, disappointment, and envy.
Figuratively, each occasion where something causes movement in your level of emotion would equate to a page in your book.
A tick mark in the index.
So when I’m upset with someone or seeking their attention, I record that feeling and it becomes imprinted in my “emotional index”. A term I just made up — and that is surprisingly good at defining the concept I’m describing.
Unfortunately, with a lifetime of entries and only more to come, the index continually becomes more and more difficult to use.
So we stop using it. And we make mistakes. Stupid, emotional mistakes.
Even still, we’ll draw reference for our future emotional interactions from the memories we held onto after reading pages that hold stories which are similar to our current circumstances. We don’t often reread the pages themselves, though, because often the expectation of discomfort while viewing them leads us to believe it would be unbearably unpleasant to go back and look.
We foolishly make emotional decisions based on however we remember feeling the first time we read a similar story, even though we can’t bring ourselves to recall the actual words written on the page.
See the problem?
Falling in love may be the greatest chapter in the book, but if you don’t pay good enough attention to the story leading up to it, you’ll just find yourself trying to turn back to relive old pages.
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